Nonviolent communication

Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a methodology for communicating without violence. NVC theory supposes that where communication is free of violence, the result is compassion and where communication is compassionate the world can become more wonderful for everyone. In the context of NVC, violence includes the use of shame, guilt, obligation, punishment or anything else leading to dominant/subordinant relationships. It centers around the model;

Honest expression and empathetic reception of:

1. Observations free of evaluations;

2. Feelings straight from the heart;

3. Needs, values and longings; and

4. Requests expressed clearly in positive action language.

Example: Normally person A might have said;

You're always making a mess! You should stop being so messy and be like everyone else!

But after attending an NVC workshop A realized the above statement is ineffective in communicating their intention. It provides evaluation (making a mess) without observation, fails to express feelings and needs directly and the request was phrased vaguely and negatively. Furthermore, it exaggerates (always), indicates obligation (should) and compares behavior to others (everyone else). Now A might - after calming their breathing - say;

I see you're wearing your muddy boots in the house, this happened yesterday too. I feel irritated and worn out about this because I need cleanliness and cooperation. Would you consider taking off your boots by the door from now on?

After feeling connected to the reality of the observation, listening to the feelings and hearing the needs of person A, person B is more likely to constructively respond to A's request.