2017-04-08 Update and current feelings

Participants: Frank, Doug, Bodhi, Matthias

(sidenote: Frank requests to take mouldy cardboard boxes out of the fridge)

doug feels a bit ill/tired/cold. Wurzen: Different feelings. Still calm, were going too fast anyway so break was cool. What is different from here vs coming Wurzen, what is stopping me from doing it here already? How to organize stuff etc.?
Should incorporate more people soon, even if just conceptual project.

Feels a little bit affected but not too much by concerns from bodhi/frank (because he is connected to both).

Bodhi: Increasingly uncertain if Wurzen is the right thing to do. Mainly because the group feels very small so he lost motivation to do more meetings, was lot more excited some months ago. Harzgerode, und jetzt?! conference and foodsharing festivals in summer motivate him much more currently. Harzgerode is very remote but also feels like a great place in nature. Would still like to support a place in town like Wurzen could be as a model house. Only reason for him to stay commited currently is because of the work that already went into it. Would otherwise step back, give more time, look at other project houses.

But in general is very much confused/uncertain but it doesn't feel right to him to continue the process now. Is not concerned about his own money but about the money from others that would get "lost" if the project goes wrong.

Frank: Would still be in for Wurzen, cannot think of an alternative (as Harzgerode is not one for him) because he wants to get a job and be near a city where to meet people, sees Harzgerode more as a weekend house than a permanent space. Still likes the idea of having a development house.

Matthias: <blah> commitment of the group as problem. 2 options: a) look for how to integrate more/other people, b) looking for another group.

Bodhi: pursuing is an option, sees problem of moving in too fast. slow down process, look for other people (maybe takes half a year), or let's the HWR buy the houses first so they are secured and stay in close contact?

Doug: I see you acting quite fast normally. Why do you know have concerns?

Bodhi: Feels like this group might be very instable for handling unforeseen circumstances. E.g. emotional outbreaks or complicated people joining the project could lead to a lot of instability.

Frank: Already had talk about how do we want to build up the group, agreed on it is likely not to end in a chaos when starting with less people. Social problems would be the same but on a smaller and more handable scale. So your argument does not make sense for me to find more people first and go through the process again. Does not want to wait half a year and would then maybe leave the project. Feels uncomfortable of what Bodhi said. Already had a lot of talks. With you, in one moment it's okay and then in the next moment I feel rejected by you and that is your feelings, not mine. I can handle myself, I don't know what you want.

Bodhi: Main thing is, I don't want to say that I don't want to be in Wurzen when it is there but it wouldn't feel good under the current circumstances to give that much commitment, because when it is there I want to make this a cool project. The way I feel currently about the group it doesn't feel like that.

Frank: So you don't want to live with me?

Bodhi: If the group is bigger, I would. But I feel as the group is so small I would be forced to spend a lot of time with you especially in the beginning.

Frank: Thinks that would be good, tried that already lately. Feels that lately the process between us works quite good but we might never get very good friends. Feels that you don't really want this to happen and prefer to wait until I maybe leave the project.

Bodhi: Feels a bit different. Feels seldomly like he is enjoying the time with Frank and does not really know why. But has this with some people. If there would be more people in Wurzen, that is less of a problem. Would feel like he needs to stay in Wurzen when he commits to the project at a time. The people are very very important to him and there are other projects coming up maybe nearby with the people that would otherwise come to wurzen itself.

Frank: I think it might be easier to find a lot of nice people in Leipzig than in Harzgerode. Place might be full very fast.

Bodhi: Exactly this can be the problem, a lot of people coming by that we cannot handle

Doug: If there would be a more concrete and explicit idea of what the project is really about, this might all be less of a concern. Personally takes this more as an abstract concept. Still wants to commit to a housing project. Does not need rushing this, is far from signing anything. But is thinking a lot. Usually he is stressed about good opportunities, but feels like he has enough experience now that he can be chilled about those as well. Unanswered questions: What does commitment mean? Doing things we don't really like (feelings vs commitments, when it does not align)

Frank: Two questions for Bodhi: What would make you feel better prepared for Wurzen?

Bodhi: Group motivation/group spirit we had & lost. If we would have that again and get into fruitful process, then I would feel comfortable.

Frank: Had the vision meeting, wanted to merge them.

Doug: Felt like especially you had a lot of resistances against doing all of that (because you had done similar things before, which is fair enough)

Bodhi: The spirit of the meetings, when Lara, Laurina, Fritz were still involved, was way higher.
Doug: Felt surprised how low the feeling was when he joined.[..] Would not have any more involvement in BaDue help you pursuing this?
Bodhi: No, I feel quite relaxed there. The experiences were definitely a strong influence.

Doug: About group process, I believe that when someone comes up with a good idea on how to do all this where people can just agree, enough people might be happy. The idea of free living, creative co-living/co-working is appealing enough to a lot of people. If the concept is clear enough, it might just work out. It might be a false idea to have to do this group process with a lot of people.

Matthias: Seconds Doug but feels like a small group could really fast be a problem.

Frank: It might give us the opportunity to strenghten our friendship

Doug: Also feels like they don't always have the easiest time. Is a bit worried about differences he does not know yet. Maybe in a big enough group not everybody has to be friends.
<short talks about if the ongoing association stuff should be postponed for now>
<more personal talks about frank moving out of his flat already now?>