Lamâsching, attraction and expectations

I don't think lamâsching is an essential part of yunity for everybody, but it definitely is for me. Since the very beginning I participated intensely in developing the theory and executing the activity, because to me the physical expression of appreciation simply is delightful. I see it as the most basic way to communicate all the abstract concepts of interhuman contact in a manner that is both universal and intimate.

I would not want to caress somebody who I don't like and, of course, I want to touch some people more than others. Attraction does exist and it would be foolish to deny that. But I personally have not met one person in yunity so far who I disliked so much that I couldn't see their charm. Attraction has many layers and levels, and feeling more attraction towards some and less towards some others is completely normal. And it actually doesn't matter when it is about regular everyday lamâsching, like hugging when passing by another or slight caressing of limbs during meetings. If you ask me, there is enough love around in yunity to satisfy the needs of the 24/7-lamâschers and one can probably figure out pretty easily who belongs to that category, be it through observation or direct questions.

The specific sleep arrangements, however, can be a little trickier. If I already know that someone I find especially attractive and who is especially lamâschy is sleeping in a certain spot, I will place myself near that spot. If other people are involved in the pre-sleep lamâsching I'm not offended but rather feel that the situation got enriched. Lamâsching is not exclusive and touch in the context of lamâsching ends in itself.

Nothing happening during lamâsching should be over-interpreted! When in doubt about the kind of relationship with someone who is part of lamâsching, speak out to this person to clarify all issues in face-to-face conversations!

I know perfectly well that intense body contact can easily result in a crush on somebody. I already experienced this four times in yunity alone, but I chose to reflect those feelings, strip them of all expectations, demands and assumptions and just enjoy the fluttery feeling and the enhanced intensity of lamâsching in that state. That works for me because I see it as a nice high that will vanish after some time, just to be replaced by a new one. Hedonism at it's best... ;) (Update: Okay that didn't work after all... I did fall in love and got infected by the poly-virus, when my crush became someone, who mirrored my feelings. One should be careful after all with these things...)

But I know, that I am in a very comfortable place to say things like this. I'm not looking for a person to amorously commit to because I already have one. So I can enjoy the appreciation without depending too much on it. And in nights in which I don't succeed in placing myself near my current favorite I don't feel disappointed for long and rather embrace another human being that is almost as lovely to me.

Lamâsching happens spontaneously and therefore mostly in an uncoordinated manner, but that is exactly the way it has to be, because it is about expressing what is alive in yourself at a given time. Sometimes it works out (and a group of people finds themselves in a lamâsching pile or group hug) and sometimes it doesn't (and people leave the situation or join in again on another corner of the group). Sometimes it can happen that someone feels left out, when e.g. in between two groups of favorites and that can be a problem. My suggestion is to be bold! Normally lamâschers should be able to speak out if your actions displease them, so just try to get in on the fun! Couples seeking privacy can always leave to a separate area, so them being there should be interpreted as invitation.

The lamâsching culture in yunity is nothing that was planned, it just happened and therefore all the articles concerning this topic are not actually prescriptive but rather descriptive. We all are testing out on the go where the individual boundaries of different participants lay and trust in skills and judgement instead of shifting the responsibility onto processes. The only differences between the lamâschers in yunity are when they joined and how confident they are.

The self-identification maybe could be made more visible, though. How about we make a new page on the wiki where people can enter their personal degree of involvement in lamâsching? We could offer categories like 'I love being touched whenever possible', 'I like being touched occasionally and appreciate specifically designated lamâsching spaces', 'I can be touched occasionally but don't value lamâsching piles', 'I don't want to be touched occasionally but may join lamâsching if I feel like it','I like cuddling with one person at a time much more than being in a lamâschy group situation', 'I will always decide case by case' and 'Please don't touch me, I will approach you if I ever feel the need'. Then I imagine a disclaimer on top that states that any resistance communicated is always to be respected, even if it seems to contradict the preferences displayed here, because we acknowledge the fluid structure of emotional circumstances. We could also include a column where people can specify their general situation, like 'in a relationship', 'looking for a relationship', 'happy single', 'polyamorous' or whatever they think fits them best. In my opinion these two pieces of information combined should be enough to offer a rough orientation in the wide field of relationship varieties existant in yunity. I think they could even serve to interpret unclear signals more easily, when it comes to the question if a lamâsching session is about to turn into something sexual or not. The preferred documented school of lamâsching could also be indicated! The question is only if people are willing to participate in filling such a page with valuable information, but I have high hopes...^^

In general I can only say from my experience, that lamâsching culture is deeply embedded in the yunity movement and therefore follows the values lived there, which to me are appreciation, openness, idealism, freedom, autonomy and self-determination. That means that I expect an atmosphere of trust, empathy and acceptance also in lamâsching sessions and don't need to fear misunderstandings to be insurmountable obstacles. We can simply talk to each other and figure out how to proceed!