Sharing circle - in person or virtuality

Sharing circles have been used by Indigenous cultures around the world and are the foundation of The Great Law of Peace which prevailed in North America for hundreds of years before colonization. They can be useful for things like getting to know members of a group, better understanding of a situation, resolving conflict, healing trauma or deciding upon a common plan of action within a group.

Sharing in a circle can feel uncomfortable, especially for people who are accustomed to today’s dominant/submissive and/or “disorganized” styles of communication. When circles are conducted online or through a group phone call, without being able to see each other, it can be particularly challenging, as body language plays a big part in the smooth functioning of circles. In traditional circles, we sit in a circle so we can all see one another. No one is above, nor below; we are interconnected, and each person as important as the next. An object, such as a talking stick or feather (“Speaker’s Piece” for the purposes of this document,) is held by the speaker until they are done. Everyone has the opportunity to speak, or remain silent, and the other members of the circle listen respectfully without interrupting.

To demonstrate the clarity and comprehensiveness that can result from of a talking circle, imagine that there is a deer in the centre of the circle being described by each of the participants— each person has, of course, a different point of view and can contribute to a more complete understanding of the deer. The purpose of the circle would be fulfilled when the deer is adequately understood by alI. If, for instance, it is lame, only some of participants will be able to see what the problem is—and someone on the other side of the circle may have the knowledge of how to help. Making use of circles in collaborative endeavours can blend the knowledge, experience, and wisdom held by each member of the circle to help them achieve their common intention.

To begin a sharing circle, the facilitator explains (while holding the Speaker’s Piece) the purpose of the circle (focusing intention through a prayer, a song and/or an introduction) and how things will proceed. Modelling the process, the facilitator takes the first turn: “My name is _____ and I’m from ______,” and some personal information that could help others relate to them (e.g. “I work at the mill and I’ve facilitated circles for a year”). The first round can simply be to share personal introductory information and some gratitude, such as a recent special moment or circumstance, or special people. The Speaker’s Piece is then passed to the next person or placed in the middle of the circle, to be picked up by the next person inspired to speak. While that process is handled differently when in a virtual circle, the basic procedures are similar.

The following guidelines for talking circles include some points that are specific to when you cannot see each other:
1. Your feelings, beliefs, and perceptions are valid and important—own them by using “I” statements. Speak your truth, and be heard.
2. What you see, speak, share or hear that is personal or specific to another individual or community must be respected. Share your story in an honouring manner that relates to your own experience and do not tell others’ stories outside of the circle unless you have received their permission.
3. Respect the speaker. Do not interrupt. The speaker offers their thoughts and then either passes along or replaces the Speaker’s Piece into the centre of the circle; or, if online, the speaker indicates verbally that the space is open for another person to speak (see #9 below). Keep in mind the issue at hand, the time available, and the ability of the listeners to understand what is said.
4. Active listening skills are different online than in person but are vitally important in both circumstances. In a virtual circle, active listening needs to be done more with intention than by words or actions—as James Redfield said, "Where intention goes, energy flows." Focus on the speaker. Remember to listen for how others see “the deer”! Do your best to avoid judging, evaluating or comparing; be open and hear with your heart rather than planning what you’re going to say.  
5. When engaging in a circle through the Internet or a telephone, please mute yourself when you are not speaking—then remember to unmute when you wish to speak! It can be hard to focus on a person’s words when the radio, someone driving, or a dog barking can be heard in the background from another person’s microphone.
6. Not being able to see each other, sometimes you find you have begun to speak at the same time as someone else—by allowing them to speak first, you will have heard what they had to say and you can be next. The circle continues until everyone has said all that needs to be said, or until a break or adjournment is agreed upon.
7. When a speaker is finished, it helps if you wait and breathe. Leaving time/space between speakers allows comprehension or integration of what has been said, and sometimes the speaker realizes that something more needs to be said; if someone speaks up immediately, they cannot finish. The pause also gives time for the next speaker to be inspired. In some Indigenous circles, a respectful 15 seconds is customary.
8. When you speak, speak from your heart, saying how you feel as well as describing why you feel that way. Vivid language and full descriptions help listeners to get their heads and hearts around what you are trying to convey. Unless requested, rather than opinions, solutions or counselling, offer stories and learning experiences. Do not be aggressive nor criticize others— circle work is intended to be uplifting rather than down-putting. If the intention of the circle is focused, speak to the issue at hand.
9. Allow the speaker to be encouraged by their inner guidance rather than by you, as making noises of agreement or disagreement can derail a person’s train of thought. If you are moved to agree with the speaker, do your best to wait until they are finished.
10. When you have finished speaking, follow the directions given at the beginning of the circle, e.g. pass the Speaker’s Piece to the next person. In an online circle, when finished say, “I am complete” or “I put the feather back in the circle” or “I’m done.” If feedback is desired, you should ask for it; if not, statements offered are to be heard, perhaps built upon, but not examined.
11. If you are offered acknowledgment or support, accept it and let it sink in—respond with a simple “Thank you”. 

If negative emotions are raised, the facilitator may suggest a break, or any member of the circle may ask for a break to enable calm to be restored. However, as stated in Four Worlds Principles of Consultation, “Expect the truth to emerge from the clash of differing opinions. Optimum solutions emerge from diversity of opinion.”

When all have spoken as often as necessary to accomplish the goal of the circle, or the time allotted is up, a final wrap-up the talking circle may be offered by the facilitator. In many circles a prayer, reading, song or story is shared.

Finally, if you can, share a meal and have a few laughs… being in circle, you are more actively present in mind, heart, spirit, and body, and a strong sense of community is established, but it can be hard work in a strange situation—and you did it together!

Written by Shannon McArthur (Sunshine Sparkling on the Waters) of Our Heart Gardens and United Earth
References: Four Worlds: Principles of Consultation (http://www.fwii.net/profiles/blogs/principles-of-consultation-and-talking-circles-for-creating-trust) ForbesWoman: 10 Steps to Effective Listening (http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/) Raven Murphy: About Sharing Circles (http://ravenspeaks.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Sharing_Circle_Instructions_SECONDARY.pdf) Skills You Need: Active Listening (http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/active-listening.html) 

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