Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a methodology for communicating without violence. NVC theory supposes that where communication is free of violence, the result is compassion and where communication is compassionate the world can become more wonderful for everyone. In the context of NVC, violence includes the use of shame, guilt, obligation, punishment or anything else leading to dominant/subordinant relationships. It centers around the model;
Honest expression and empathetic reception of:
- Observations free of evaluations;
- Feelings straight from the heart;
- Needs, values and longings; and
- Requests expressed clearly in positive action language.
Example: Normally person A might have said;
You're always making a mess! You should stop being so messy and be like everyone else!
But after attending an NVC workshop A realized the above statement is ineffective in communicating their intention. It provides evaluation (making a mess) without observation, fails to express feelings and needs directly and the request was phrased vaguely and negatively. Furthermore, it exaggerates (always), indicates obligation (should) and compares behavior to others (everyone else). Now A might - after calming their breathing - say;
I see you're wearing your muddy boots in the house, this happened yesterday too. I feel irritated and worn out about this because I need cleanliness and cooperation. Would you consider taking off your boots by the door from now on?
After feeling connected to the reality of the observation, listening to the feelings and hearing the needs of person A, person B is more likely to constructively respond to A's request.
Expand |
---|
|
- All human beings share the same needs
- Our world offers sufficient resources for meeting everyone's basic needs
- All actions are attempts to meet needs
- Feelings point to needs being met or unmet
- All human beings have the capacity for compassion
- Human beings enjoy giving
- Human beings meet needs through interdependent relationships
- Human beings change
- Choice is internal
- The most direct path to peace is through self-connection
|
Expand |
---|
title | Blocks to compassionate communication |
---|
|
Moralistic judgement: you're wrong... Demands: you have to... Denial of responsibility: I have to... Making comparisons: They're better than...
Deserving: I deserve... |
Expand |
---|
title | Feelings when needs are met |
---|
|
Section |
---|
Column |
---|
Affectionate compassionate friendly loving open hearted sympathetic tender warm Confident empowered open proud safe secure Engaged absorbed alert curious engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated Inspired amazed awed wonder Excited amazed |
Column |
---|
animated ardent aroused astonished dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant Exhilirated blissful ecstatic elated enthralled exuberant radiant rapturous thrilled Grateful appreciative moved thankful touched Hopeful expectant encouraged optimistic |
Column |
---|
Joyful amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled Peaceful calm clear headed comfortable centered content equanimous fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfiedserene still tranquil trusting Refreshed enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revived |
|
|
Expand |
---|
title | Feelings when needs are not met |
---|
|
Section |
---|
Column |
---|
AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried anxious tense ANNOYED aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated cranky ANGRY enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful CONFUSED ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn EMBARRASSED ashamed chagrined flustered mortified |
Column |
---|
self-conscious AVERSION animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed YEARNING envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful DISQUIET agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed distressed perturbed rattled edgy restless shocked startled surprised troubled uncomfortable uneasy unsettled upset FATIGUE beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out |
Column |
---|
PAIN agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regret SAD hopeless depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless unhappy VULNERABLE fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky DISCONNECTED alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn |
|
|
Expand |
---|
|
Section |
---|
Column |
---|
CONNECTION acceptance affection appreciation belonging cooperation communication closeness community companionship compassion consideration consistency empathy inclusion intimacy love mutuality nurturing respect/self-respect CONNECTION continued safety security stability support to know and be known to see and be seen to understand and |
Section |
---|
be understood trust warmth PHYSICAL WELL-BEING air food movement/exercise rest/sleep sexual expression safety shelter touch water HONESTY authenticity integrity presence PLAY joy humor PEACE beauty communion ease equality harmony inspiration order |
Column |
---|
AUTONOMY choice freedom independence space spontaneity MEANING awareness celebration of life challenge clarity competence consciousness contribution creativity discovery efficacy effectiveness growth hope learning mourning participation purpose self-expression stimulation to matter understanding |
|
|